Michael My dear schoolchildren, Today we have Special Studies Counselor Michael as a guest, who will exceptionally be teaching our history class. Quiet! Shhhh! Hey, listen ... you bunch! I'll send you all to the principal! There you go! No nonsense, or I'll hand out reprimands! I'll sort you out!

Michael Why am I telling you this? In March, we took the opportunity to travel on a long weekend again, this time heading down to Santa Barbara, almost near Los Angeles. We zoomed south along Highway 1 along the coast, past Big Sur and through San Luis Obispo (where, by the way, there is an excellent inn that brews its own beer and offers a dish called "Braumeister," which consists of two beef sausages with sauerkraut, yum!) covering the 300 miles with a rental car. Unfortunately, it was raining cats and dogs in Santa Barbara, and the main thing to report from there is that we had a funny experience in a restaurant.

Michael In Santa Barbara, it also happened that we were handed a flyer by protestors. The clothing store GAP, a very well-known clothing chain in the USA, was accused of employing people under unacceptable conditions. The title of the leaflet was "GAP treats workers like slaves." The demonstrators said that GAP employs Asian women on an island in the Pacific called "Saipan," which supposedly belongs to the USA, who sew the clothing of the retail giant under harsh conditions (12 hours a day, 7 days a week). I have no idea if this is true; I just found it interesting because in the USA, unions have no power. If the union at the parcel delivery service UPS organizes a strike once every 10 years (as happened a few years ago), it is already considered a sensation. However, a law requires that the employer must pay at least a wage of $5.15 per hour.

Michael And here's something new from the internet: Since grocery shopping isn't exactly one of the most interesting activities, even though the stores are open day and night, weekdays and weekends, there's now a new service to prevent the fridge from being empty: WebVan, the internet delivery van, brings groceries directly to your home. Here's how it works: On the website webvan.com, you can choose your items, and there's more variety than even in the largest supermarket. Personally, I always measure the size of a supermarket here using the milk index I invented: How many different types of milk are there? Not dairy products like yogurt and cottage cheese, but regular milk in bottles or cartons. In Germany, there might be about 5. Here in the USA, it's always 10-15. And at WebVan, I counted: 28.

Michael We had a census recently: You have to know that the concept of a registration office is as foreign to Americans as friendliness is to Germans. That's why, for example, the city of San Francisco has no idea how many people currently live there. When you move, you don't register or deregister anywhere--you just move, and where from and to is nobody's business. Now, of course, the city wants to know how many schools it needs to build and which streetcar lines, and how much money needs to flow into the individual districts--and for this, it relies on census data. That's why the government distributes questionnaires every 10 years that people have to fill out, and not just in San Francisco: Census takers even reach the Eskimos in the far north of Alaska and register every igloo, as was recently reported in the Süddeutsche Zeitung.

Michael And here's another story that's so bizarre it's hard to believe: Anyone who has ever been to America knows that it's very difficult to find a hairdresser who is actually capable of cutting hair. In America, there is no direct "craft," anyone can call themselves a hairdresser if they feel like it. Not like in Munich, where on Friedenheimer Straße a master of his craft wielded the scissors: Master "Pablo" at "Design in Hair" -- probably unmatched in the whole world -- yes, world! I had only been in San Francisco for a few weeks when my head was craving a haircut, and I unsuspectingly went into a random hair salon on 24th Street around the corner from us. After the first 10 seconds in the chair, it became clear to me that the guy cutting my hair had no idea what he was doing. It took me almost half a year of disappointments, wandering from salon to salon, until I finally, by chance, found a gentleman in the Italian quarter of San Francisco who mastered the art of haircutting. Since I was working in the Italian quarter (called North Beach) at the time, it was very convenient; I would just go for a quick haircut during my lunch break. Then I suddenly worked in San Mateo and finally in Mountain View, but I still wanted to enjoy a good haircut -- so every six weeks on Saturdays, I drove half an hour across the city to North Beach to have my hair skillfully trimmed there. But, oh dear -- one Saturday, there was a sign in the shop informing that the barber was working at a place called "SF Hairport" over the weekend. Grumbling, I drove home.

Michael Perhaps you've already noticed that the American President is named "Bill" Clinton. "Bill" is the abbreviation for "William." So, in his passport, the man is listed as "William Clinton," but the whole world calls him "Bill." The same goes for Bill Gates. The founder of Netscape, Jim Clark, is actually named "James." Or take the CEO of AOL, Steve Case--his real name is "Stephen." Or the second-in-command, Bob Pittman, whose real name is "Robert." My colleague is called "Chris," but on his driver's license, it says "Christopher." That's how it is in America. Every name is shortened: Catherine becomes "Cathy," Donald becomes "Don," Joseph becomes "Joe," Samantha becomes "Sam," Pamela becomes "Pam," and Lawrence becomes "Larry." Unlike in Germany, where you might be called by a nickname in a casual setting, it goes much further here: there's a distinction between the name and the "legal" name. The "legal" name is the birth name, which only appears on official documents. Everyone else knows only the abbreviation. From "Michael" (pronounced "My-kel" in English), you can become "Mike," "Mick," "Mikey," or "Mickey"--whatever you prefer. So, for fun, I called myself "Mike" at Netscape--and that's how people address me now. The sign on my cubicle reads "Mike Schilli," just like the entry in the phone book. Even my business card (see illustration) only knows "Mike," not "Michael." Only pretentious people (like Robert Redford, not "Bob Redford") or the British (like David Bowie, not "Dave Bowie") use their full first names.

Michael And starting with this newsletter, we are launching a new series: Learn to Speak American with the pros! With each newsletter, we will introduce three words or phrases that are typically American and are guaranteed not to be taught in any school in Germany. Exclusively in the newsletter. Let's get started: When something extraordinarily bizarre happens, you say "That's a doozy!" (pronounced: "Duhsie"). The word is said to originate from "Duesenberg," a luxury car from the 1920s and 1930s. A word that I personally find super funny is "Geezer" (pronounced: "Gieser"). It means something like "odd old codger." When I'm sitting at a table with people who are all 30 or younger, I say, "Looks like I'm the geezer here!" And number three: "I got ripped off! I got screwed!" means: I got swindled. That's it for today from the American everyday lexicon. I probably don't need to say that you should use these terms very carefully, as this is very colloquial English that you shouldn't use in job interviews, for example. Have fun with it! Now it's time for Angelika, who has once broken down how it works with the visa and the Green Card in America!

Angelika Should I actually still get a chance? Well then, let's quickly get typing before Michael comes up with something else. Now that there is suddenly a discussion in Germany about an immigration law modeled after the American system, here is the continuation on US immigration. But before I delve into how one can obtain a permanent work and residence permit, the so-called Green Card, in the USA, I would like to list the different visa types for fun, since we are often asked about the different types of visas in the USA, and explain a little about what they entail. Now, this may seem completely boring to some, as it is pure bureaucracy, but on the other hand, just from such a list, things become apparent that one would otherwise not think about. And I don't mean the obvious fact that the whole thing is incredibly complicated, but rather that, firstly, pure selfishness is also behind the American immigration laws, namely to bring in workers that are urgently needed so that the economy doesn't stagnate, or to recruit smart minds of all kinds to advance America. Secondly, the American's unwavering belief in family becomes visible, as it is taken for granted that almost every visa category allows you to bring minor children and your spouse, even though in most cases the accompanying family members do not receive a work permit. The tendency for family reunification is also evident with the Green Card.