Terror Utility Vehicles

Angelika Finally: An anti-SUV campaign is sweeping across the country. SUV stands for "Sports Utility Vehicle," a hybrid of a souped-up Jeep and a small van. One in four people here drives such a monstrosity, which angers drivers of normally proportioned cars.

We mentioned it in our Christmas list: SUVs are gas guzzlers, block everyone's view, and take up two parking spaces - unforgivable in a parking crisis area like San Francisco. The country has always been divided into three groups: SUV drivers, wannabe SUV owners, and SUV opponents. Until recently, the latter group consisted of a few extreme environmentalists and people like us, who deal daily with the excesses of the SUV plague.

In the fall of last year, columnist Arianna Huffington suddenly wrote an article in which she provocatively linked driving an SUV to the financing of terrorism. Her line of reasoning: SUV = gas guzzler = more oil needs to be imported from Arab countries to the USA = more money for Arab states, some of which sponsor terrorism with their funds.

This might seem far-fetched to you now. But it's important to know in this context that the Bush administration recently launched an anti-drug advertising campaign: fresh-faced American teenagers were shown with the following text overlaid on their faces: "Where do terrorists get their money? If you buy drugs, some of it might come from you." This upset the good Arianna so much that she sarcastically turned the tables in her column, linking SUVs to terrorism, not knowing (or perhaps knowing?) that she would thereby spark a media spectacle.

Meanwhile, she, along with others who are annoyed by SUVs, founded the so-called Detroit Project and started their own advertising campaign. Two television spots were produced. In one, you see a man named George who is fueling his SUV: "This is George. This is the gas that George bought for his SUV. This is the oil company executive that sold the gas that George bought for his SUV. These are the countries where the executive bought the oil that made the gas that George bought for his SUV. And these are the terrorists who get money from those countries every time George fills up his SUV. Oil money supports some terrible things. What kind of mileage does your SUV get?"

Some television broadcasters promptly refused to air the commercials, but the SUV manufacturers still panicked that sales figures might decline, as they suddenly churned out advertisements promoting the lower fuel consumption of certain SUV models.

And even President Bush supports the idea of becoming independent from oil-producing countries: In the annual "State of the Union" address, which was broadcast a month ago and heavily debated, he repeatedly brought up the idea of the hydrogen car, which no longer consumes gasoline and produces no emissions, in between elaborating about a looming war.

Due to the Iraq crisis, the oil companies thought: Let's raise the gasoline prices. And within the last month, the prices at the pumps skyrocketed by an astonishing 30%. While we used to pay $1.50 per gallon for regular unleaded gasoline, it now costs $2.03 even at the discount gas station "Rotten Robbie" in Mountain View!

Since a gallon holds 3.785 liters and the exchange rate is currently 0.91 euros per dollar, this results in a euro price of ... crunch, crunch ... 0.49 cents per liter. Still significantly cheaper than in Germany! And still far too cheap to banish the SUV fools from the road. Let's raise the price per gallon to 5 dollars, we say!

Risk of a terrorist attack

Duct Tape -- your friend

Angelika Americans are masters at makeshift repairs of broken things. They particularly like to use "duct tape," a thick, incredibly strong, gray adhesive tape. Whether it's the steps at our fitness center, a cracked windowpane in the streetcar, or the drip tray under the freezer compartment of our refrigerator, duct tape holds everything together.

In recent weeks, "Duct Tape" has risen to some fame because the Department of Homeland Security (the newly established agency responsible for domestic security in the United States) recommended that the public stock up on "Duct Tape" and large plastic sheets. This is to seal themselves inside their homes in the event of a possible terrorist attack with chemical weapons, meaning to seal the windows and doors.

A public debate immediately ignited: Some experts considered this method to be completely nonsensical and pointed out that the potential suffocation in completely sealed rooms without air circulation posed a greater danger. TV stations interviewed duct tape buyers in hardware stores, and David Letterman & Co (comparable to Harald Schmidt) made "duct tape jokes" on their late shows for days.

Funnily enough, lots of "duct tape" and huge plastic garbage bags have been in our earthquake emergency kits under our bed for a long time. During my earthquake training, I learned that you can create all sorts of useful things from them (tents, clothing against rain and cold, etc.). However, I doubt that they would be of much help against attacks with chemical weapons.

On the newly established webpage of the "Department of Homeland Security" with the beautiful name ready.gov You can find more tips on how to best behave during terrorist attacks involving biological, nuclear, or the aforementioned chemical weapons. The whole thing isn't exactly very reassuring. I'm waiting for people to start building nuclear bunkers again soon. We've been through that before. Head down, newspaper on top! Ah yes, those were the days.

Now where does the name "Duct Tape" origin from? Initially, I thought it might be similar to how "Tesafilm" is called "Scotch Tape" in America because the manufacturer is named "Scotch," whereas in Germany, it's called "Tesa." However, the Truth about Duct Tape is that American soldiers in the Second World War needed a waterproof adhesive tape to seal ammunition boxes and similar items.

The company "Johnson & Johnson" subsequently produced an olive-green adhesive tape that withstood all natural elements. The soldiers called it "Duck Tape," after the duck, which is known to defy water. After the war, there was a housing boom, and the tape was further produced in a silver color for home builders, without losing its indestructibility. Today, the company Henkel (which also makes the Persil brand laundry detergent in Germany) continues to produce duct tape and holds half of America together with it.

Mr. Bush and the War

Angelika Paper is known to be patient, and a lot of printer's ink has been used in recent months on the Iraq crisis. There have been analyses by experts, commentaries in various newspapers, discussions, debates, and quite a bit of polemics, not to mention the systematic manipulation of public opinion, especially on this side of the Atlantic.

Just recently, I read in an article by William Greider in the magazine 'The Nation' (Rundbrief 12/2002). According to a survey by the New York Times and CBS News, 42 percent of respondents believed that Saddam Hussein was personally responsible for the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. The propaganda is having an effect. Many of you (and by the way, countless Americans as well) are rightly asking: Is Bush crazy? Why is he doing this? Why is he acting like an imperialist warlord?

Not exactly easy questions to answer, but I'll try an analysis. A cultural difference between Americans and Europeans is that Americans generally approach life quite pragmatically. Problems are solved as quickly as possible and often in a rather unconventional manner. In doing so, Americans don't always necessarily weigh the pros and cons in detail. The goal is to get the problem out of the way. Long analyses are unnecessary; action is required, and the associated risks are accepted. If the problem-solving approach is wrong, the strategy is simply changed.

Diplomacy, on the other hand, requires patience. Bush has little of it. He sees Saddam Hussein as a problem that he wants to get out of the way. Additionally, every American is often instilled with a rather naive worldview from childhood, with the motto: America is the best country in the world with the greatest democracy, only Americans live in true freedom, etc. To put it bluntly: America is good, and one should be skeptical of the rest of the world.

Of course, not every American thinks in such a one-dimensional way, but unfortunately, Bush operates within the black-and-white, good-or-evil mindset. He displays a missionary zeal in doing so: The good (in his opinion, American values and democracy in the American style) must first be brought to Iraq. And like many missionaries before him, he becomes obsessed with an idea and believes that any means justifies the end. His almost fundamentalist-tinged belief does the rest.

Bush considers himself one of the so-called "Born-again Christians," who interpret the Bible strictly and very literally. In America, "Born-again Christians" are typically extremely right-leaning believers with strict moral views. Incidentally, before his conversion, Bush was regarded as a right-wing bon vivant who was very fond of alcohol. That was a long, long time ago!

And last but not least, a few remarks about the rift between America and Germany, as many of you have expressed concern in your letters to us -- whether we as Germans can even dare to go out on the streets in the U.S. anymore?

As I said, we live in liberal San Francisco, and the people here are closer to the views of the Germans and French on the Iraq crisis than to their own government. No one here supports Bush's policies. In San Francisco, the population is protesting against the war just like in Europe. When I was in the photography class' darkroom last week, an American woman told me that I should be glad to be German. She, on the other hand, said she was now ashamed to be American. She meant it quite seriously. So, be kind to the Americans; not all of them want to be lumped together, and not everyone stands firmly behind Bush.

Goodwill

Angelika As sure as the Amen in church, taxes are due in America on April 15th. And like everywhere else in the world, at the end of the year, tax-savvy individuals try to make a few tax-saving donations.

In addition to monetary donations, the U.S. Internal Revenue Service also allows donations of clothes to charitable organizations to be deducted from taxes. And since I thought it was urgently necessary to clean out our wardrobe back in December, I'll let you in on how to get a tax deduction on this. Of course, you can't declare the new value of the clothing on your tax return, but rather the so-called second-hand price.

I initially believed naively that the tax office would provide price lists. Far from it. It's a good thing the internet exists, where I found price recommendations. To avoid any difficulties during a potential tax audit later on (in America, you typically don't send certificates or receipts with your tax return; they only need to be presented during an audit), I diligently listed every single piece of clothing. After all, I am the daughter of a tax advisor.

It is important to bring the used clothes to an organization recognized by the tax office, such as homeless shelters, the Salvation Army, or Goodwill. Goodwill is a large, now international, non-profit organization with the goal of providing people with disabilities or other disadvantages with career opportunities through training and employment opportunities. To finance this, Goodwill sells donated clothing and household goods in their own stores.

In San Francisco, there is a large Goodwill store that also accepts donations, located at the corner of South Van Ness and Mission. So I drove up there in our Perlman. In the parking lot, there was a truck trailer, and friendly men immediately loaded my bags of clothes into it.

The tax certificate for the tax office was already prepared. I just had to fill in my name and address, specify the value of the donated clothing, and in a flash, an employee signed it and praised me highly for the attached detailed list (apparently, no one does that), and I gained another experience.

Newsletter Top Product

Michael Every now and then, there are products that initially evoke sheer horror. Who, for example, would come up with the idea of pulling a tape-like strip from a dispenser, putting it in their mouth, and using their tongue to stick it to the roof of their mouth, where it stays?

Listerine is the name of this product and it is currently very popular in the USA. The strip consists of an ultra-thin film that slowly dissolves in the mouth, releasing a fresh mint flavor of Fisherman's Friend caliber. This provides about ten minutes of freshness without the need for annoying chewing!

The placement process is admittedly somewhat unusual. In an episode of the TV series "The Osbournes" (Rundbrief 07/2002), which are now also available in Germany, Ozzy Osbourne gave them a try, but made a face like a toddler being fed spinach and uttered words that American television censored with wild beeping sounds.

But one advantage cannot be overlooked: Unlike chewing gum, with palate tape in your mouth, you don't speak Texan gibberish in meetings but pronounce clearly and distinctly. Especially tasty after spicy Indian, Thai, or Vietnamese food.

Religions of the World

Michael It's hard to believe now, but two or three hundred years ago, America was still a refuge for all those who were considered peculiar somewhere in old Europe or had done something that violated the laws of their home country. Once they arrived in their new homeland, they continued to maintain their peculiar traditions, and since everyone valued their own peculiarity, a consensus was soon found: Everyone is entitled to their favorite peculiarity, as long as it doesn't harm anyone else! This is still reflected today: Freedom of religion is one of the most inviolable things in America.

That's why we're introducing a new series in our newsletter: "Religions in the Metropolis" -- and what Europeans don't know about them. Today: Judaism. This is rather rare in San Francisco, but if you've ever been to New York City, you've surely noticed the Orthodox Jews who are dressed all in black, wear wide-brimmed hats, and, as we want to highlight today, let their sideburns grow long. What's the reason behind this? "You shall not destroy the corners of your beard" (Lev. 19:27) is stated in the Torah, and this primarily referred to the chin and the area around the ears. It was interpreted to mean that only razors were forbidden, while it was permissible to trim the beard with scissors. Modern electric shavers don't work like a razor but more like scissors, so it is now acceptable for devout Jews to shave cleanly in accordance with their religion. However, the same verse states, "You shall not round the corners of your head," which, according to Orthodox Jews, also applies to trimming the sideburns with scissors. Therefore, they do not cut them but twist them and let them grow throughout their lives.

How do I know this? In America, there are books about just everything. There's a lot of entertaining information about Jewish customs and traditions in "To Be a Jew" by Rabbi Hayim Halevy Donin. It was recommended to me by a Jewish colleague who received it for his Bar Mitzvah (something like a confirmation).

Strictly observant Jews are not allowed to work on Saturdays, by the way. If you've ever been to New York City, you probably know "B&H Photo," the famous photo store on 9th Avenue (at the corner of 33rd Street), which offers high-quality photo products at affordable prices. Take a look at their opening hours:

     Sunday: 10:00 am to 5:00 p.m.
     Monday through Thursday: 9:00 am to 7:00 p.m. 
     Friday (winter EST): 9:00 am to 1:00 p.m.
     Friday (Summer DST): 9:00 am to 2:00 p.m. 
     Saturday: Closed  

Correct: The store is run by devout Jews who honor the Sabbath. For several years now, B&H has also been on the internet on bhphotovideo.com. The company handles orders for just about every photographer in the entire country -- but that doesn't change the fact that no one works there on Saturdays: The website is operational, but customer service is closed and orders are not processed until Sunday.

You might have already heard the word "kosher." Whenever I buy pickles, I keep wondering about the "Kosher" label (illustration 15). It means something like "okay" when referring to people ("You know, that guy isn't quite kosher!"), but it mostly relates to food: "Kosher" food contains only permitted ingredients and is prepared according to Jewish religious laws. This generally means: No pork. A few thousand years ago, it was risky to eat pork (due to trichinosis), as it spoiled quickly because of the lack of hygiene regulations. Nowadays, Jews avoid pork for the same reason Catholics avoid meat on Fridays: Tradition.

On the Sabbath, turning electrical devices on and off is also prohibited. However, what is already turned on is allowed and even must continue to run. To enable strictly observant Jews to cook a warm meal on the Sabbath, the American company GE offers a Stove with Sabbath mode. It's continuously running at full speed all day, but turns off its display and does not beep under any circumstances.

Another rule is "You shall not boil a kid in its mother’s milk," which has been interpreted to mean that meat and milk may not be cooked together. This makes beef fried in butter off-limits for strictly observant Jews. Beef in creamy sauce is also taboo. The rule was even extended to chicken, so no "Kan Kari Gai" at the Thai restaurant either. And in the kitchen, separate pots are used for meat and milk. Even the dish towels used to dry washed plates—on which either milk or meat was served—are color-coded! And after eating meat, one must wait several hours before consuming any dairy products!

Jews are also not allowed to eat blood; blood sausage is out. Meat must be either roasted or salted until no blood remains. There are also restrictions with fish: only those with fins and scales are allowed. No lobster, no oysters, no shrimp, mussels, or crabs, no eel or snails.

What does all this have to do with pickles, how could they not be kosher? It's about ensuring that no ingredient is of animal origin, or if it is, that it complies with kosher regulations. Our cucumbers seem to be okay. Well, we all got lucky there.

Curb Your Enthusiasm

Michael By now, we have probably watched each of the hundred Seinfeld episodes four or five times. I know almost every dialogue by heart. I think in Seinfeld plotlines. I often catch myself using the sentence structures and timing of Seinfeld episodes when I tell a funny story in English.

What is so special about Seinfeld? Why is it funnier by an order of magnitude than anything else? Than, let's say, "Cheers" or "Married with Children"? So much funnier that it doesn't just play in a completely different league, but in a completely different humor universe?

Since the show "Curb Your Enthusiasm" by and with Seinfeld writer Larry David has been on the premium channel HBO, I know it: The difference is called Larry David. He's the guy who wrote all the Seinfeld scripts, who makes those absurd jokes about essentially taboo subjects, who lets the actors rush headlong into these grotesque situations. The show "Seinfeld" does draw some comedic energy from its actors: Jerry Seinfeld is quite funny, Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfus portray "George" and "Elaine" excellently, and Michael Richards ("Kramer") could also shine in a scriptless comedy because he simply plays world-class slapstick -- but other shows have that too.

The script by Larry David makes the difference. This became apparent to me when I saw "Curb Your Enthusiasm" for the first time about a year ago: In this unpolished, even downright anarchic show, which places no value on acting skills (Larry David plays himself, and the rest of the cast are third-rate actors), the team goes through typical Seinfeld everyday odysseys, only much more hair-raising.

Larry David is accosted by a homeowner for throwing a piece of paper into their trash can as he walks by. Or an acquaintance gets upset because Larry thanks her husband for paying for dinner but not her, since she doesn't earn any money! Or Larry is criticized by a black friend just because he fires his black TV repairman!

And parallels to Seinfeld become clear: The bald Larry David, who suffers greatly from his lack of hair, is clearly behind the character "George" in Seinfeld. By the way, the theme music "Diddeldi-didaddeldadi-dididdeldedi-Wui-Bah!" strongly reminds me of the Munich series "Monaco Franze," which I love very much. Coincidence?

The Boat Is Full

Why? As we've explained back in Rundbrief 09/2001, one of the first necessary steps for permanent residency is the Labor Certification from the Department of Labor, which certifies that the employer who wants to hire the foreigner cannot find an American for the position in question. This usually involved the employer advertising the position in the newspaper for 6 months and reviewing any applicants who responded. If no suitable applicant was found by the end of the period, the gentleman or lady from overseas received the okay from the Department of Labor, the 'Labor Certificate'.

The job market has been severely shaken in recent years, and many software developers are out of work. The days when job openings went unfilled for months, with either no applicants or only unqualified ones, are long gone. Except in very rare cases where globally unique specialists are needed, no software company can currently provide the proof required for the "Labor Certificate"--and as a result, it's becoming increasingly difficult to obtain work-related green cards.

And even for the people who have already gone through all the necessary steps over the past few years and are now just waiting for the actual card to be issued, unexpected hurdles are arising: Rumor has it that the INS installed new computers at the beginning of the year and hasn't sent out any green cards since December. Applicants near process completion are getting restless, as March is approaching. But well, the INS is notorious for its snail's pace, so let's give them six months, which is just about a week on the INS clock.

Small addendum from Angelika: The delays are also due to the fact that the Immigration Office was subordinated to the newly created 'Department of Homeland Security' and split into two agencies. Officially, it is no longer called INS (Immigration and Naturalization Services), but Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services (BCIS), which is still responsible for issuing Green Cards, visas, and processing applications for American citizenship. The other branch of the agency, 'Borders and Transportation Security,' is now responsible for securing the borders and tracking down individuals who violate immigration laws. At the moment, there seems to be complete chaos, and no one knows who is responsible for what.

The Record Of the Month

Oh well, "Zwan" is indeed the reincarnation of Billy Corgan, the head of the "Smashing Pumpkins." I was very sad when they broke up and even went to one of their last concerts in Berkeley (a certain Mr. Speck was there and can testify!). Really a great band. This guy Corgan, of course, is a genius, perhaps, and I am not afraid to say it, of the caliber of John Lennon.

The new record needs to be listened to about 20 times, then not only the chart hit "Honestly" fascinates, but every other song on it as well, when you dive into the Corgan universe. A milestone! I hope the man never stops writing music. By the way, the next single to be released will be "Baby, let's rock," and as always, you'll read about it first in the newsletter.

The most embarrassing favorite song of mine this month, by the way, is "In da Club" by "50 Cents". I've watched the video at least 100 times on MTV. Of course, on TiVo, which records the daily "MTV Wakeup" so that I can stay in touch with the youth even as an old geezer. Angelika always freaks out when hip-hop sounds echo through the living room: "When I pull up out front, You'll see the Benz on Dubz, When I roll 20 deep it's always drama in the club ..." -- but it's really good, no kidding!

When I bought the record, I was surprised to find that the corresponding line is quite different: "When I pull up out front, you see the Benz on Dubz, When I roll 20 deep, it's 20 nines in the club," which means that the Mercedes driver and all the other gang members are illegally bringing 9-millimeter guns into the club! For those interested, here is an excellent translation of the not entirely family-friendly song (for which you also need to understand American slang well to avoid misunderstandings): www.citay.de.

Also, the word 'nigga' is constantly used. I need to elaborate a bit on this: About 150 years ago, when slavery was still practiced in the USA, it was common to contemptuously refer to black people as 'niggers.' Nowadays, this is a slur so severe that it cannot even be said in jest or when quoting someone else. As a white person, in such a situation, you would say: 'He said the N-word.' Make no mistake: In the USA, there is no shortage of vulgar expressions, the caliber of which would cause sheer horror in Germany. As I have mentioned before in Rundbrief 07/2001, it's explosively funny to call someone a 'Nazi' when they strictly adhere to stupid rules.

And typically, people from lower social classes pepper every other sentence with a bad word for which there is no proper German translation. However, calling someone a "nigger" is absolutely taboo for everyone--racists are not well-regarded in the USA either. While Americans tend to be quite indifferent and deliberately look the other way when someone is shouting or otherwise losing it, there is suddenly a reaction from otherwise lethargic people when a racist remark is made. On the "Caltrain," I once witnessed an entire train car full of people booing a drunk person because he said "Go back to China" to an Asian woman.

On the other hand, it has become common in the last 15 years or so for black people to refer to each other as "niggas." It's not refined; this word would not be uttered by anyone in a high position. However, you encounter it frequently in street or gang dialects. As a white person, though, you can't use it.

It is common practice for record companies to release toned-down versions of songs with offensive content or lyrics with bad words, so that "clean" channels like MTV can play them. If there is no cleaned-up version, the songs, as previously explained in Rundbrief 12/2000, are edited with masking bleep tones before broadcasting, or certain parts have been muted while the music track continues to play. The record with the original songs then carries a small sticker with the inscription "PARENTAL ADVISORY EXPLICIT CONTENT" ("We alert parents to explicit lyrics"), as you can see in Figure 18 at the bottom left.

In America, the First Amendment with "free speech" does apply, but radio and television stations are censored due to an agency called the FCC (Federal Communications Commission), which has full government support.

From gangsta rappers to the Gulf War to the likely next bombardment in Iraq: Mr. and Mrs. America are shown a Disneyworld parody of reality on television. Clean green-blue flashes in the night sky to eliminate the "axis of evil," and polished videos of rappers who are actually incompatible with the government for mass entertainment. The circle closes.

Greetings from the glued-together country

Angelika & Michael